Weird Place

Do you ever wake up one morning- by every account a very average morning- and think to yourself this day feels weird? Something is amiss, and I can't quite put my finger on it.

I've felt that here and there the last few weeks. Is it discontent? Is it the winds of change? Why, yes, I believe it is.

It was so nice to get out of Houston for the MS150. Austin reminds me of what I am lacking here in suburban, corporate, follow-the-leader hell...well, maybe not hell because this suburban, corporate, follow-the-leader neighborhood has been fairly good to me. It has taken me under it's individualistic-crushing wing. And yes, I have desired some sense of routine and a sense of blending and disappearing into a pop-culturally retarded society. But I think I'm capable of more and ready for more.

So here I am. Ready for something new. What will it be? What will it be?

Pedal On, Sistah

I made it! I did the MS150, and I even took the LONG route! To all you suckas out there that thought I might not make it...well, I thought I might not make it, so I guess I understand where you were coming from.

It was hard. It was arduous. It was painful. But damn, it was fun! I highly recommend everyone of you out there try some sort of endurance feat that you feel might be beyond your capabilities.

So today is the day after, and I feel great. I'm not too sore, not too tired. Feeling very proud of myself. Because not only did I do this for myself, I helped about 15 co-workers enjoy this adventure as well. It was MUCH harder to coordinate the team's logistics than just getting myself prepared and actually riding the tour. It was a fun time, but I'm so glad to be done with it...

Sorry that I've been slacking on the blog. I blame it entirely on preparing for the race, but truth be told, I've been spending quite a bit of time with a certain boy. (You know I had to talk about the boys!) And he's great, and we have a lot of fun, and he treats me wonderfully, but there's this certain part of him that is closed off...like he's afraid of commitment...and he always has to be in control...oh god, I'm dating myself! See when a girl does the whole "I'm afraid of commitment" routine, a guy interprets it as her playing hard to get so usually they try harder. When a guy does it (or at least to me), I'm ready to peace out- have a great life- nice knowing you. I don't think this is going to be a long, long term thing- maybe just a for right now thing. (Although, I have a sneaky suspicion that Mr. Non-committal is creeping towards the long-term thing.)

I've been thinking very seriously about moving again. I just feel like there's so much more for me to see and experience out there- and I'm an adventurous spirit- and I generally make things work out in the end- so why am I still sitting here in Houston. Perhaps when Adriane moves back from Oz, we could discuss moving somewhere new together...I haven't actually mentioned that to her yet, so ya'll keep that on the hush until I speak to her. I think about San Fran, Seattle, DC, Boston, New York, Canada. But then I think about my mom- I think she would be heartbroken. I suppose, in time, she would get over it though. But it would be like ripping my own heart out to know that my mom was hurting. Not sure what I should do about that guilt. I know, I know. I know what all the books say, all the experts say, all my peers say...don't feel guilty, you've got to live your own life, don't let your parents hold you back...but my mom has worked pretty hard over the years to ensure that we had a fairly tight-knit immediate family. But my adventursome spirit is withering here in Texas. I need something more. I need to be someplace with more open-minded. Dammit, let me out of "W" country!