Smile...

So I've jumped head-first back into the dating world. And it looks like my first pick is a pretty damn good one- intelligent, athletic, motivated, successful, compassionate, no overtly creepy characteristics to speak of.

But I'm so horrible at this dating thing. I say the weirdest things. I hear some far-fetched or garbled something or another come out of my mouth, and I'm asking myself who is that girl. I swear, I will disown my mouth when I get home. I'm becoming a mute asap.

It seems I haven't scared him off just yet. I keep telling myself not to be nervous because I'm just using this one for practice- and damn it if he doesn't think it's cute...huh, I think I'm coming across as a giggly, multiple personality having schmuck who always stares blankly off into space, and he enjoys my company!

Sometimes I zone out when he's talking- not because he's uninteresting but because I'm suddenly convinced that I've got a big smear of lipstick on my teeth. So I frantically start trying to think of a way to wipe my teeth without looking any schmuckier than I already have. I take a sip of water and gently swish. I attempt to inconspicuously run my tongue across my teeth. I take a bite of my hamburger and chew with my front teeth in hopes that the friction will take the dreaded lipstick off! Why do I buy long-lasting lipstick when its only long-lasting on places I don't want it to last like my new white t-shirt! Damn, damn, damn...

"So really that's why I appreciate those things more these days. And you?"

What? What the hell? And me what? Panic...

So I just give an awkward grin doing my best not to show my top row of teeth.

Ta-da...this is Rudy, for better or worse. And I'm okay with that. I'm far from perfect, but never a bore. A little more self-consumed than I would like to be, but I'm genuine.

Absofuginglutely moving on...

This line from Sex and the City really struck me this morning as I awoke from my hangover fog...

Carrie: "In matters of love, do actions really speak louder than words?"
Mr. Big: "Absofuckinglutely."

This line has saved me a trip to the therapist, and as I now see it, has afforded me the opportunity to go to the spa for a day as I have some extra "me" money for the month! Oh and most importantly I can now say momma didn't raise no fool...or well she might have raised a girl who is a fool for a few months but she'll finally get it if you keep beating her over the head.

That's me..right there...on the VIP list

Saturday night I went to dinner with my best friend and her family/friends to celebrate her birthday. Very fun. We went shopping afterwards, and I bought this fabulous black top and earrings. I get so excited about adding a new piece to my wardrobe. Because I'm on such a tight budget, it's not often that I splurge for new sussies.

So I told the group that I had to get home early due to a scheduled bike ride at 7am the next morning. As I was driving home with Mr. Big's To Be With You blaring (it's my get-over-him song of choice for the moment- I particularly like the line about who cares about little boys who talk too much- that just hits the nail on the head!), Big Tony called and invited me to a VIP party at a fairly expensive, swank downtown club including two bottles of complimentary champagne. I glanced over at my too cute top, and I couldn't say no...

No bike ride Sunday morning for me. I could barely drag myself out of my bed over to my couch.

As I sat down to check my email, I turned on my stereo expecting to hear the usual mix of jazz/world music that are regulars in my 5-disc changer system. Instead I was hit with my college fight song. Oh no, what did I do last night...

I vaguely remember doing the fight song complete with all the hand gyrations...and for an audience no less.

The embarrassment is still setting in.

I think the embarrassing display of inebriation gets worse, but I choose not to search my memory any further. I know there was a 3:30am trip to the Cabana.

Anyway, I feel the need to justify why I went out. I'm feeling very guilty today. I had so much to get done today, but instead I squandered it away napping, eating a salty snack, drinking a little water, dragging myself to the bathroom, and repeating. How can just a few hours of drinking cause hours upon hours of hangover hell? And the less frequently I go out, the worse those hours in drinker's purgatory are. I had a few beers...in college I would have had that and then have taken an exam the next day without blinking twice!

I had a good time though. I felt that I deserved my night out. The ex called this past week in the middle of the night. I hadn't heard from him in months and just when I was actually believing Mr. Big's words, the ex has to get my hopes up again. But he doesn't know that...I was tough. I gave myself a high-five after it was over. And I meant every damn word I yelled at him.

I was celebrating this past weekend because I was able to get some things off my chest- to tell the ex how much damage has been done to "us". And how does he respond? He tells me to move to where he lives and marry him- he said he would have the ring waiting for me, and he's not even afraid to talk to Mr. Rudy-Dad. I just don't know...

And for a few hours this weekend, I didn't have to think about it. It was nice. Very nice. Sometimes running away from your problems can give some perspective, and then you can run back to your problem and take action.

And my action of choice...

Let's see what he's got. He better play his ace card.

Book Club Houston Blog

Check it...let me know what you think.

Book Club Houston

Awww, who's that I see? Pouty McPouterson?

So I got stood up on Wednesday...well, not exactly. My friend called and said that he was going out on a date instead. I guess that's to be expected when you have a "platonic" friendship with someone of the opposite sex. They bail on you if they have the potential of getting smudgy with someone new. I would have done the same thing...

So that got my Thanksgiving weekend off to a bummed start. I joined my family for a very sober holiday weekend that got to jumping very quickly. My dad makes these comments that I think he knows are going to get under my skin- I've tried to hold me tongue, but I can't- I can have a really big mouth sometime- ask my sister, she'll tell you.

My dad says that he can't wait until he becomes president so that he can clear up the true definition of the word "hero."

Me: "Hero" has a personal meaning to be defined as the person wishes.

Dad: Okay, well today "asparagus" means whatever I want it to mean.

Me: Don't be ridiculous.

Dad: Exactly, you're argument is ridiculous.

Me: You can only see the world one way and that's it. Your way or no way! You don't own the word "hero!" I hope you become president too so you can turn it into a dictatorship and get everything you want!

That's when mom came in yelling at both of us not to start this banter today.

Then I just felt bad...

Am I too rough on my dad? Yes. Has he been a little harsh on me through the years? Yes.

My family really isn't very affectionate. We show our love through sarcastic comments and poking fun at each other. At this point in my life, I wouldn't have it any other way. The laughter rarely stops when we are together, but every now and then somebody's comment touches home and all of the sudden it seems like the family's fun has been at the expense of somebody's feelings. Oh well...

We forgive and forget easily.

But here's something I'm not going to forget easily. I got the following email from the book club I joined.

Thanks very much for your interest in _________ Book Club!

It was the first time a host has entertained so many interested parties. I had fun, and it was great to have such enthusiasm. I was particularly impressed that all three of you got the book beforehand.

In discussions about what we wanted to have happen with the continuation of the Book Club, the consensus was that we would like to remain static at the current participation of about six.

However, we'd be delighted to see the Book Club site serve to put people together so they can find, join, or form book clubs all over.

I have just implemented a message board which can address this need.

Please check out this link: ___________________

or just go to www.___________.com and click on "Book Club Finder" graphic.

Thanks again - the November, 2004 meeting will be long remembered!

Please let me know if you have any questions :)

What is this? Rejection from a book club? That's great. Even nerds don't want to hang out with me.

Okay, enough pouting- doing something about it. Myself and the other two girls have agreed to start our own book club as suggested. I will deal with this like a mature adult.

(Our book club will be better. Nana Nana Boo Boo!)