No worries, Shib

I was promptly brought down from that temporary high. For the most part I had a most enjoyable weekend- spent quite a bit of time alone. I love alone time. I thrive on it.

Late, late Friday night or early, early Saturday morning (3 a.m. to be exact) my phone started ringing. Guess who?

The ex. Most likely drunk and ready to confess his undying love for me.

Asshole.

I had this plan for the moment he decided to try to contact me again. I was going to pick up the line and hang it up so as to not allow him to even get to my voicemail. Well, we played that game several times. And I realized it makes no sense to play these silly games when 1. he's drunk and 2. i'm barely out of my deepest stage of REM. So I finally turned the phone off.

No message the next morning. Just as well. But I must own up...I still cried several times this weekend. It rips my heart out everytime I think about him.

Things are going well in my life, REALLY WELL. But there's always a hole to fill. There's always a feeling of the grass being greener on the other side. I'm doing my best at loving THIS moment- THIS set of circumstances the powers above have given me.

On another note, I've been training for the MS 150 in April. I will be cycling 180 miles. Never would I have imagined my doing anything of the sort in a million years...

This weekend my parents bought me a very nice bike that cost almost a month's rent! (Again never in a million years....)Please send encouraging vibes my way, especially April 17th on the last leg of the race!

Let the love flow

Wow. I've been going 100 miles an hour, non-stop. I wake up at 4:30am to clean my apartment because I can't seem to make the time to do it later in the day. But I wouldn't give up any of the many activities I've got going. Life is good. I'm blessed. Someone is smiling down on me.

I believe in Karma. And I believe I've put a few good vibes out in the world, and now they have finally headed back my way. May I never forget to continue giving and passing along happiness and genuine well wishes.

Last night Niki and I had a girls night in. It was heaven. After watching Sex and the City, going through her give to Goodwill bag of clothes (and taking several back out for keeps), we found ourselves sitting in her bed munching on popcorn, me sipping hot tea with two cats in our laps. We talked about boys- our favorite subject. We talked about life. We talked about how much we have changed over the years. We talked about the insanely hilarious things we have done. It warms the heart to have moments like those.

So I have been busily dating. And I realize how clueless I am about what I want from a man. Some days I want nothing more than the comfort of a stable relationship. I love to dream about marriage and babies and having the perfect little home. But then I look at my closet packed to the max and how I have my bathroom products arranged just so in complete disorderly order...and I think to myself, I don't want to invite anyone into my life. I like my life the way it is. I was never very good at sharing. And I know I can be a total spoiled brat...who would put up with that day in and day out, and why would I want to put up with them trying to put up with me?? We would sooooooo get on each others' nerves. Uggghhh...just get out already, imaginary man! You already make me sick.

So you see how I quickly become disgusted with that idea.

There's a movie out that says everyone has three great loves in their life. Well, hell, I blew right through those. I love to love. I love to feel. I love to be passionate. Why stop with three? I keep trying to convince myself that there have only been two great loves in my life so that I can hold out for a third, but there's no use. I have surpassed my alotted loves. And you know what that makes me....very lucky. I'm a happy girl.

Note to all my readers: Catch me mid week next week as my mood and hormones take a turn towards the pessimistic side.

This post is even a little too gooey for me, but I'm on a high...and I make no apologies for it!

Friends and Family- I will be having a private tour at the museum on February 27th! I'll keep you posted...

Run In

I met Sean Penn last night.

We laughed our asses off.

And now I'm hungover at work.

P.S. Just a quick update- Things are going fairly well with the new guy. He kind of sends mix signals- not so much like he's not interested, but more like he's kind of nervous around me. And the job...my boss, the woman that was most in my corner, the one who wasn't afraid to speak up for me gave her two weeks notice because she got a MUCH better job. Sucks. Totally.

Stepping up and stepping out

I'm ready to move on in more ways than one.

I've approached the powers that be to reevaluate my position with the company...no word yet.

I have a date tomorrow- dinner and a movie (and a movie of MY choosing).

I'll keep you posted.

Join me in giving a hand to 2005!

So 2005 is here, and I'm ecstatic. This year is off to a grand start. I can feel the winds of change, and they are carrying me into the new year's with an ease that lets me know that everything is okay- In this very moment, everything is more than okay.

I rode 22.5 miles on a bicycle Friday. I really can't believe it. And I was ready to do so much more! I think I've just about committed myself to doing the MS150. Being outdoors cruising around on a bicycle made me feel like a little kid with no cares in the world- no bills due, no thought of scary criminals, no worries about what I need to pick up at the grocery store. What a way to end 2004! It felt like I literally left all my worries in the dust.

Then I went shopping- bought a size smaller jeans. What girl doesn't love that?

I put on my snazzy new jeans, my best friend's cute little black shirt, and my best "all-dolled-up but still natural" make-up, and I was ready to make a grand entrance at my new friend's New Year's Eve party.

He threw a WONDERFUL party.
1. There were just as many single guys there- and not just any single guys, but GOOD catches- as there were women. (My new friend being the best looking one though.)
2. The single women ducked out to go to another party.
3. There was a fully stocked bar to rival Dre's.
4. We started a fire outside, and all sat around drinking and talking.
5. I tried to leave about 11:30p.m. because I had a great evening planned for myself and myself alone that I looked forward to getting home to. Plus, I wanted to keep an aire of mysteriousness with my new friend (I need to come up with a nickname for him-let's call him muscles for now because, girls, he has them!). AND more importantly, we all know that when I drink my alter-ego Rudy comes out and wreaks havoc...or sometimes just embarrasses the hell out of herself. So I reigned her in for New Year's. So anyway, I was leaving, and one of the more outgoing guys hid my purse and keys because he didn't want me to leave. Muscles helped me find them. I thought it was hilarious. I gave muscles a happy new year's hug- it was midnight by this point, and I dashed home like Cinderella, turned on Sex and the City and passed out.

I loved it. I'm still not sure if Muscles is interested in anything more than friendship, but we've made plans to go to a movie next week and he's asked me to go to a jazz club with him. But if it's just friendship, I'm great with that too! I'm having so much fun...

I also got picked up on by the Jamba Juice guy. He ran out to my car and gave me a free juice card and told me that I was very beautiful...and ladies, that was with no make-up and in my gym clothes! What is going on these days? Have the stars aligned? Is Karma finally in my corner again? No, I think a smile and a no-worries attitude can make you exude more inner beauty than any amount of make-up or a new pair of shoes.

New Year's wasn't without a little verbal skirmish with my dad though. We were having a wonderfully peaceful meal together when out of nowhere he says something that he KNEW would incite me. And it did. And I left shortly after I finished my meal. We went from religion to feminism. And I was done with his one-sided, arrogant views for the day.

But I've had a wonderful weekend! Happy new year to all of you out there. I hope you're doing exactly what you want to be doing, and if not, start making steps NOW to get to where you want. Progress hurts sometimes, but it's in all of us to accomplish greater things.